Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever feels the way I do. I try to look into people's souls through their eyes and I imagine what they are thinking about. I want to know if it is anything like what I think about. I hope it is, because I don't want to be the only one with thoughts like mine. I'm a terrible person. If you knew me you would hate me. I can be insanely jealous and spiteful. I think things about people that embarrass myself. My wicked sarcasm only makes me worse. If I am in a self destructive mood you wouldn't believe how far down I can get. Every time someone says something that is supposed to make me feel better my sarcastic wit fires back another insult to myself. It is horrible that I do that, but I do it. I did it today to my parents. I only said one thing out loud, though. Then I went on in my head. They don't need to know the way I am. Lately I've been so emotionally unstable that I surprise myself. There are bad days, like yesterday, and there are okay days like today. Mostly there aren't good days. I will usually find a way to make them bad. I'm like that, you see. Sometimes I just want to walk away from the world, to be free. I want to walk in the rain and I want to go away from everyone and be by myself. These walls feel confining. These rules hold me back. I hate myself sometimes. I hate who I've become, how I act. I hate that I don't feel connected to people. I hate that I know I disconnect myself. I hate that I feel so lonely, but all I want to do is be alone. I hate my cowardice. I hate my fear. When I cry, I don't know why. The tears just come. They don't stop. I'm crying now. There isn't a reason, except my emotional instability. I like it. I like the tears when no one is watching. They are like the rain. They fall. They fall like I fall sometimes. They escape. I don't. I'm trapped.