On being a Senior

With the good comes the bad, I guess.

On Classes:

What can I say? I am afraid to say they are kind of easy because I am sure they will get harder, but right now they are. Seriously, with my schedule, you'd think I would have mounds of homework every night, but I have barely had any homework all week. Oh, well, though, I am sure that time will come.

On Status:

Sweet! It is so nice being the top of the food chain. I like being able to say, "Pfft, I'm a Senior." and acting better than the Freshman. Seniority if very cool. Plus, teachers favor Seniors. I hated that when I was an underclassman, but now I savor it.

On Feeling:

In some ways I feel like a Senior, and in some ways I don't. Obviously I feel the pressure of impending college and the good things mentioned above, but I also feel more. At any given moment, actually most of the time when I am in the hallways, I think about how I viewed Seniors when I was in Younger grades. Elementary: Whoa! Those guys are so cool and really big. Higher Elementary: Wow, still cool, and big. I just want to grow up. Junior High: Wow, they are cool, hey, he is cute. Freshman: Stupid Seniors! Grr. Sophomore: They aren't as cool as they think they are. Junior: Wow, they seem so mature. Is my class ever going to grow up and be that mature? Well, now that I'm a Senior, that is what I think about. Do I live up to expectations set before us? Am I setting a good role model for the kids?

Welcome back to school

Yes, the school year has started and you know what that means. Okay, if you don't, it means that I have less time to post thought provoking, interesting, entertaining, sometimes humourus, always important, entries. I am sorry. I am very very busy. Unless I have the unavoidable urge to put off mounds of homework, like I am doing right now, I will only post around once a week. Again, I regret this, so if I have something intelegent to say I won't hold back if I can help it.

So, I think my Internet is messed up.

Alright, Dylan, oh Computer Wiz, help me out if you can. For one, every time I go to the Google Homepage and type something in the search box, something happens, usually something invovling opening the File folder or a change settings window. This just started happeneing, it never used to happen. I don't know what the problem is. Next, if I go to my favorites folder, like I do faithfully, several times a day, and I click on another blog or a website, I will get a page that is out of date. For example, today (today!!!) my pages updated so that I could read everyones most recent posts. Krissy's post that I had been seeing was the one that started "Um, yeah, update." Dylan: Kraft, to be or not to be...Kaia: the one about you books, where you still hadn't finished Frank. So, if anyone can help me with that please, please, do. It is driving me up a wall.

P.S. Thanks for the solicitor blocker.

Why I cried during Catcher in the Rye

I understood it, on a crazy, weird level. Holden wants to avoid growing up. He nearly hates the world around him, society and all. He hates the phoniness. The phoniness! He thinks kids are gold. In a way he is like Ponyboy from The Outsiders. But anyway, I think I cried during some of the parts because I identified with him. I don't want to grow up! I wish kids could stay young forever. I hate phony people. I just posted about that! Whatever though, I just though I'd let you know.

So it ends...so it begins

I wish I could have been a junior forever. That was a good year. Sure, a little stressful at times, but all around, it was fun. The classes were for the most part enjoyable, the people: the same. It was everything Senior year promises to be, without the pressure of planning for my future.

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my fathers come to pass

Seven years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Wake me up when September ends. I know that this year will not be all bad. In fact, I am looking forward to it. What I am not looking forward to is venturing out into the real world. The innocent can never last. Yeah, that is true. Boy, I never realized what high school was going to be like. I am a sheltered kid. I still want to hold on to my childhood. I didn't realize what I had while I had it. Now it is almost gone.

I solemnly swear that I am not going to let the pressure of society conform me into who they want. I will be my own person. I will stand up for my principles. I will succeed, but I will not become obsessed with success. I will not stress over the small things. I will try not to stress over the big things. I will not worry about my future. I will plan for it. I will not be single minded. I will look at the possibilities. I won't judge myself. I especially won't compare myself to other people. I will be myself. I will be a good friend, daughter and sister. I will trust and be trusted. I will show compasion. I will have faith. I will not be afraid. I will enjoy my last year of high school.

People and how I dislike asking them for help when I know I can do something better than them or am to proud to ask them for help in the first place

Here are several more titles this post could be called:

People and how I don't trust them to do things

People and how they are incompetent

People and how they drive me nuts

Me and how I just want to scream

If you haven't already noticed, I am a little on edge. This is partly because I have had a couple espressos and partly because I just got home from a very stressful three and a half hour shift at my job. I apologize in advance for my cynicism.

I discovered today that I really don't like asking for help. There are different situations to this though. One situation, for example, is when there are a lot of things to do at work and there is a very very very very slow guy (who, for the sake of anonymity we will can Big Q) working with me. Now, to paint you a picture, when I say slow, I mean he is lost-to-a-turtle-in-the-hundred-yard-dash-by-one-hundred-yards slow. Trust me, that is slow. Plus, he isn't even very good at the jobs it takes him an hour to do. It isn't even like he is slow in a good everything-he-does-is-perfect kind of way. Anyway, basically I won't ask him to do things that would help me because I know that I can get the things done better and with more efficiency than him, even though this makes me very angry and stressed out. Another situation that this little issue arises in is when I know I can do something just as well as someone else, even though I could probably use the help. I, I think, like to prove that I can do things. This happens, actually, quite a bit when I do homework. I know that if I ask for help from a teacher, or a human encyclopedia, that I will figure out what I am doing much quicker than if I try to do it myself, but alas, I don't ask because I am to stubborn and proud to. Now, when I do ask for help it is usually because of one of two reasons. One being I gave up and concieted that I need help in figuring something out. Two is that I am just being lazy and would appreciate someone else doing it for me. The later doesn't happen that often, and when it does it is a work, so Kaia, Audrey, you can't get out of helping me with stuff by saying I am just being lazy.

Now that I have vented and release some of my anger, I feel better. My hands are still shaking, but it is now because of the caffeine.