On memory

I forget people's faces. I can sometimes remember things that they did. I remember things they say. But when I think about them, sometimes I just can't remember what they look like.

Relax. I'm not talking about any of you who read this. I'm talking about people I haven't seen in years. My grandpa, for example, died several years ago. It seems like I remember him, but I don't think I do. I remember the way he looks in pictures. I remember things that my family tell me he did. But I don't think I actually remember him. I try, but I just don't think I do. This could be explained by age, probably, and time. I was only like 8 when he died, and that was over ten years ago.

But it can't all me explained by that. It has only been a couple years since I've seen Sydni, and I was at a reasonable age for forming memories, so that can't be the issue. My lapses in memory are not quite as bad in this situation. I can remember things that we did together, a couple things specifically, but mostly I remember things generally, like I remember that she was with me when I did something. That said though, I can't remember her face. Inevitably, my mind goes through all of the memories I have of her, and they land on pictures. I remember her face in pictures, but I don't remember her actual face. I don't know where she is now, or what she is doing, what she's like. I try to think of her, imagine her, but she is always faceless. And I can't do anything about it.

If things were always literal

One of my professors said this, and I don't know why, but I couldn't help but interpret it in a literal sense. And then I was like "...wait...what?"

"Let me throw a question at you."

Yeah. Me too.

Things that generally annoy me

1. Being able to hear people talking, but not able to understand what they are saying. I would rather not hear anything then hear nothing but random exclamations and tone changes.

2. 8 a.m.

3. People who wash their dirty dishes over the top of my clean ones...when they are obviously clean, and when there is an empty sink right next to the full one, and when I am sitting at the table eating my meal, clearly intent on drying and putting away the dishes when I am done.

3. Inefficiency.

4. Snide, pointed comments. Just come out and say it, do not pretend you are being sneaky and subtle. You are being mean.

5. Really loud TV (see number 1)

6. People who say "Lets meet tomorrow at four to work on our project" and then text me at 5 and say "Oh, can we meet tomorrow instead."

Optimism

I've been told I'm not a very optimistic person. In fact, people have down right called me a pessimist. I have never really seen myself as a "glass half empty" kind of person, but I suppose that is really because my thoughts are rather neutral when it comes to things like how full a beverage container is. I suppose that that this image I seem to have may come from my semi-dark thoughts. I try not to get my hopes up about things, especially things that have high returns, that way, if things don't work out, I'm not disappointed. I don't even know why my mind works like this. It isn't like some of those love stories around, where people are afraid to fall in love because they don't want to have their heart broken again. AGAIN. I can't remember ever being so disappointed that I'm unwilling to do something, so doesn't seem to be the reason for my pessimism. As I write this, I am thinking of my parents, and I just decided that my pessimism must be inherited. Especially my mom and grandma. I grew up hearing things like "Life's not perfect," "not everyone gets to do what they want for a living," and "I think you should start being realistic about your goals." Nothing says "work hard, strive for your best, push yourself" then someone telling you to set goals that you can actually achieve. Looking at things this way, I can be pretty certain that's where all this negativism came from.

That being said, I am trying to be optimistic about the president-elect. I admit, I did not cast a ballot for him. A lot of his ideas and plans are so radical they scare me, and I'm surprised that so many people, educated people even, seemed to over look these things. And here is a case of my pessimism for the country. I am afraid that people have such high expectations for the man, that there is no way he can meet them. America can only be disappointed this way. But, seriously, I will try to keep an open mind about him. People should stand behind their leader, no matter who it is.