Reflection

It has been over a year since I started blogging. A lot of things have changed, but a lot is still the same. My first posts were meaningful in a thoughtful yet detached sort of way, and my most resent posts have given you a lot more intimate look at me. When I first started posting, I had no idea about anything. I was young, not as intune to reality as I am now. My life was easy then. I had no stress. When second semester came along, I was hopeless. I nearly went crazy with stress according to some people, though in my mind I was perfectly calm. When summer came, I had only sorrow. Junior year had been the best of my high school career. I remember that when Senior year started, all I wanted was to be a Junior again. I didn't need to be the ruler of the school. I didn't care. I still don't. It is only a game really. A game, that as of recently, I'm growing quite tired of. Blogging for me is different than for some people, I guess. I have never been able to keep up a journal. Once in a while, I will write something down when I am really angry and afraid I might do something stupid if I don't get it off my chest, but it never keeps up. I quit after a day. Occasionally I will come across these old writings and smile in a sad way at the silly things that used to make me mad. Blogging had become my outlet. If I am going to keep journaling, I need feedback. If my thoughts are too personal to share with the world, they stay locked in my head. I leave no paper trail to my hidden thoughts. You only know what I want you to know. Over the last year, I find I have gradually become a more internal person. Though I am sharing more it seems, it is only because I have more in my head to share. There wasn't this build up before. I was still a worry free, college free, problem free kid, with everything to live for and nothing to lose. I invite you to revisit these times. My favorite post is still Monotonous, but it doesn't really matter. It was a long time ago.