On memory

I forget people's faces. I can sometimes remember things that they did. I remember things they say. But when I think about them, sometimes I just can't remember what they look like.

Relax. I'm not talking about any of you who read this. I'm talking about people I haven't seen in years. My grandpa, for example, died several years ago. It seems like I remember him, but I don't think I do. I remember the way he looks in pictures. I remember things that my family tell me he did. But I don't think I actually remember him. I try, but I just don't think I do. This could be explained by age, probably, and time. I was only like 8 when he died, and that was over ten years ago.

But it can't all me explained by that. It has only been a couple years since I've seen Sydni, and I was at a reasonable age for forming memories, so that can't be the issue. My lapses in memory are not quite as bad in this situation. I can remember things that we did together, a couple things specifically, but mostly I remember things generally, like I remember that she was with me when I did something. That said though, I can't remember her face. Inevitably, my mind goes through all of the memories I have of her, and they land on pictures. I remember her face in pictures, but I don't remember her actual face. I don't know where she is now, or what she is doing, what she's like. I try to think of her, imagine her, but she is always faceless. And I can't do anything about it.