3.18.2010

I've had this blag since 2005

I'm procrastinating, which I'm sure surprises no one. I came here to find a post I wrote when I was in high school, which made me realize two things. One, I've had this blog for almost five years. Two, I was a lot more open then than I am now. I don't know why, but I think I came up with some theories as to why this is.

  • I've experienced a lot since I was in high school.
  • I am more aware that my feelings and thoughts are subjective.
  • I actually don't know as much as I thought I did when I was younger.
  • I cared less what other people thought about me then.
  • I trusted people more.
In a lot of ways, thought I haven't changed at all. I can read a post from 2005 and, while I will laugh (sometimes more like scoff) at my naivete and simple writing, my opinions haven't changed a lot, as you can see here and here.

I originally posted what is below on March 20, 2005. I edited (in black) it to make it more accurate to today.

Ten Places I want to go Before I Die
1) Rome (and the rest on Italy) Venice, again, and Rome
2) Alaska
3) Seattle (again)
4) Washington D.C. (again, again)
5) England (almost...!) (again)
6) New Zealand Spain
7) Spain (again)
8) South America (Chile, Argentina)
9) Russia and Eastern Europe
10)India

Ten Things I want to Learn About
1) Greek Mythology
2) The History of Egypt
3) The History of Masons
4) Other Religions
5) Random Conspiracies (Lincoln, Kennedy, Hitler)
6) Psychology
7) Criminology
8) World Geography and culture
9) World Politics
10) the Enviornment

Ten instruments I want to be Able to Play
1) Guitar
2) Piano
3) Violin Harmonica
4) Bass (guitar) Violin
5)Percussion
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

Ten Things I want to Memorize
1) pi (obviously not to all the digits)
2) 50 states and their capitals
3) J.R.R. Tolkiens "The road goes ever on and on..." poem Declaration of Independence
4) Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" Bill of Rights
5) Random facts that will someday be useful
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

Ten Extreme Things I want to Do
1) Skydive
2) bungee Jump
3) White water Raft (again)
4) Fly a plane
5) Climb a mountain
6) Scuba dive
7) Road trip the U.S. Sleep in the car.
8) Take big chances
9)
10)

Ten People I want to Meet
1) Yogi Berra Joe Mauer
2) Abbott Obama
3) Costello (I honestly don't know if these two are still alive...)
4) J.K. Rowling
5) Daniel Handler
6) My true love
7)
8)
9)
10)

Ten People I wish I met (or want to meet again)
1) Abraham Lincoln
2) Babe Ruth
3) Jesus
4) J. R. R. Tolkien
5) Grandpa Huiras
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)


12.19.2009

Okay, so at the beginning of the Fall term, I decided to change my major. Yes, again. I went from being a TESOL major to being an Applied Linguistics major. All I had to do, really, was cut the teaching portion out of the TESOL degree, and I was left with linguistics. I like the way it sounds to say I have (or will have, whatever) a degree in Linguistics. Impressive. A little cryptic. Until whoever I'm talking to asks me to be more specific. "Linguistics?" they say. "What does that mean, exactly?" Well, polite coworker in the elevator, it means grammar. Yeah. I have a degree in grammar, and I know a lot about how people learn languages. Less impressive.

The thing is, I actually couldn't be happier with my decision to drop the teaching portion of my degree. I listen to some of my friends who are going to be teachers talking about their student teaching experiences, or about how excited they are to be in the classroom, and all I can think about while I'm smiling and nodding along to the conversation is God, I'm so glad that isn't me. Seriously. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought teaching was a good idea. Well, I do, actually. Travel. I was thinking that teaching, especially teaching ESL, would be a great career path for me because it afforded a ton of opportunity for travel. I could teach literally anywhere in the world for however long I wanted and then move on. Plus I have summers off. What could be better? The longer I was in the program, however, the more clearly I understood this wasn't the career for me.

BUT, now I have no direction. I know I don't like my current job enough to stay there for very long, but where do I even start looking for jobs? What do I even want to do?I thought about taking that Foreign Service Officers Test, but I don't know. It sounds cool, but it also sounds really strict. Plus I have to choose a career path, and that's the path I have to stay on the entire time I'm in the State Department. I'm feeling a little claustrophobic just thinking about it. Someone made a joke about me joining the FBI, which surprised me a little, because I hadn't told anyone about that. The truth is, I was actually considering it, and I had looked into it already. You have to be 23 to apply. And the application process take forever. And I don't know if I could shoot a gun at a person, if it came to it. Maybe at a non-kill zone. But I would definitely want to be an agent, not an office peon. But also, it is pretty hard to get in, I think, so my chances probably aren't that good.

I'm reading this book right now about how to make long term travel work. The idea sounds really cool and doable. Inexpensive, even. The writer suggest working some entry level jobs for a few months and then hitting the road for a few. The whole time I read it, I'm planning a vague summer long road trip across America but I know I'm too chicken to go it alone or even explain to my parent what I want to do.

Maybe I'm destined to be directionless.

11.04.2009

Scoff at them

My grammar professor (who I think might be a spy, but that story another time), showed us how to identify and avoid using sentence fragments. Which I already knew how to do. As you can see. Anyway, he said that they are sometimes used by "professional writers" who "know what they are doing" and "use them on purpose". My professor said for the purpose of our class, however, they would not be acceptable. He said we should "recognize them, and scoff at them." Scoff at them, I swear he said it. I intended to follow his advice. Unintentional fragments, beware.

11.03.2009

Time Travel Theory

I thought I should update this once again, so I'm putting my time travel theory onto the internet for all to read. I don't have time to research and formulate a more coherent idea, so if you, random reader, have the ambition to do it yourself, knock your proverbial self out. It was my idea first though. You just proved it possible/likely. Ha.

So, I stumbled upon this article online.(Did I say I didn't have time to research..?) It told the story of a map maker. An incredibly accurate mapmaker from a time when accurate mapmaking was a bit of an oxymoron. He drew a map of Antarctica and South America and Africa based on other maps that he found that showed Antarctica as it would have been 4000 b.c. Read the article if you are intrigued.

This is the conclusion the article came up with:

Apart from its great historic interest, the map has been alleged to contain details no European could have known in the 1500's, and therefore proves the existence of ancient technological civilizations, visits by extraterrestrials, or both.
Both of these could be possible, I guess, but I would like to throw my theory on the table. Humans from the future (near future, anyone?) overcame the barriers of time and space and went back 6000 years. They already knew how to map things and figure out latitudes and longitudes accurately. They probably got bored with the primitive nature of the humans at the time. They had to do something with their pent-up intelligence, so they drew maps. And then they laughed because they knew that this map would puzzle scientists world-wide for hundreds of years.

I feel the need to qualify my theory. I am not crazy; I am curious and willing to accept unusual solutions to problems. I'm not saying my theory is possible, or even likely. But I'm also not the only person who believes that time travel is the answer to some scientific problems.


7.10.2009

I like this song.

It is depressing and intriguing and poderable:

Everyone's afraid of their own lives.
If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed.
Am I right?

No one really knows the ones they love.
If you knew everything they thought I bet you'd wish that they'd just shut up.

Well, you were the dull sound of sharp math when you were alive.
Not one's gonna play the harp when you die.
And if I had a nickel for every damn dime I might have half the time.
Do you mind?

Everyone's afraid of their own lives.
If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed.
Am I right?

It's our lives.

It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember we're alive for the first time.
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember we're alive for the last time.
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember to live before you die.
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time.
It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember when it takes such a time.

It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember.

My mom's god is a woman and my mom she is a witch.
I. like. this.

My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself.
Why. fight. this.

Everyone's afraid of their own life.
If you could be anything you want I bet you'd be disappointed.
Am I right?

5.18.2009

The cutest thing ever

I got back from Alabama today. The trip was good, but it's good to be back.

Anyway, in the Minneapolis airport, I saw the most adorable thing ever. I would have cried if it had been a movie that I was watching, and not live and in front of a hundred people. I have to maintain an image, you know ;).

Let me paint you a picture of the male leader on our trip. He is tall. Like 6 foot 8 tall. That is almost 7 feet, which is about two feet (or 40%) taller than me, to give you some perspective. And he is black. These things combined give him a...formidable appearance. But don't get me wrong, he was a great leader, and he is a very likable guy. Intellegent and everything. Just a little intimidating at first sight.

Anyway, we are walking to baggage claim, and I didn't know he was about 15 feet behind us. I see these two little kids come running at me, and I'm like...um...those kids are going to run into us. And then I see the leader running (or rather taking long quick steps, as it takes a lot to get him running), and the oldest and fastest of the kids dodges out of our way and yells "Daddy!" right before he leaps into the air. The leader bends to his knees to catch the boy, just as the younger also throws his arms around his neck. Seriously, I almost died. While we were getting our bags, the boys wouldn't let go of him. It was adorable, and the kids were cuties too. I think a guy has to be a pretty good dad for his kids to miss him that much. I wonder if I was like that with my dad when I was a kid.

2.07.2009

Pet peeve

Something I heard:

News anchor: Can we hear an exert from your book?
Author: *continues as though nothing happened*

What I wish I heard:

News anchor: Can we hear an exert from your book?
Author, after anchor *mysteriously* starts bleeding: Oh my God! Here, let me EXERT pressure on this wound, while I read you an EXCERPT from my book.

If the second scenario happened, I think that the anchor wouldn't be so quick to confuse those words again. What do you think?

1.22.2009

I found this interesting



Click the title for the article.


12.07.2008

Time passes, I guess.

I am reading a book that was published in 2001 for a paper I'm writing for one of my classes. As I read the about the studies they cite that were preformed in 1998, I feel like this source is getting to be a little dated. In 1998, I was, like, 10. Weird. I remember when it was the requirement for "current" sources had be be 2000 or later.

11.27.2008

On memory

I forget people's faces. I can sometimes remember things that they did. I remember things they say. But when I think about them, sometimes I just can't remember what they look like.

Relax. I'm not talking about any of you who read this. I'm talking about people I haven't seen in years. My grandpa, for example, died several years ago. It seems like I remember him, but I don't think I do. I remember the way he looks in pictures. I remember things that my family tell me he did. But I don't think I actually remember him. I try, but I just don't think I do. This could be explained by age, probably, and time. I was only like 8 when he died, and that was over ten years ago.

But it can't all me explained by that. It has only been a couple years since I've seen Sydni, and I was at a reasonable age for forming memories, so that can't be the issue. My lapses in memory are not quite as bad in this situation. I can remember things that we did together, a couple things specifically, but mostly I remember things generally, like I remember that she was with me when I did something. That said though, I can't remember her face. Inevitably, my mind goes through all of the memories I have of her, and they land on pictures. I remember her face in pictures, but I don't remember her actual face. I don't know where she is now, or what she is doing, what she's like. I try to think of her, imagine her, but she is always faceless. And I can't do anything about it.

11.21.2008

If things were always literal

One of my professors said this, and I don't know why, but I couldn't help but interpret it in a literal sense. And then I was like "...wait...what?"

"Let me throw a question at you."

11.11.2008

Things that generally annoy me

1. Being able to hear people talking, but not able to understand what they are saying. I would rather not hear anything then hear nothing but random exclamations and tone changes.

2. 8 a.m.

3. People who wash their dirty dishes over the top of my clean ones...when they are obviously clean, and when there is an empty sink right next to the full one, and when I am sitting at the table eating my meal, clearly intent on drying and putting away the dishes when I am done.

3. Inefficiency.

4. Snide, pointed comments. Just come out and say it, do not pretend you are being sneaky and subtle. You are being mean.

5. Really loud TV (see number 1)

6. People who say "Lets meet tomorrow at four to work on our project" and then text me at 5 and say "Oh, can we meet tomorrow instead."

11.05.2008

Optimism

I've been told I'm not a very optimistic person. In fact, people have down right called me a pessimist. I have never really seen myself as a "glass half empty" kind of person, but I suppose that is really because my thoughts are rather neutral when it comes to things like how full a beverage container is. I suppose that that this image I seem to have may come from my semi-dark thoughts. I try not to get my hopes up about things, especially things that have high returns, that way, if things don't work out, I'm not disappointed. I don't even know why my mind works like this. It isn't like some of those love stories around, where people are afraid to fall in love because they don't want to have their heart broken again. AGAIN. I can't remember ever being so disappointed that I'm unwilling to do something, so doesn't seem to be the reason for my pessimism. As I write this, I am thinking of my parents, and I just decided that my pessimism must be inherited. Especially my mom and grandma. I grew up hearing things like "Life's not perfect," "not everyone gets to do what they want for a living," and "I think you should start being realistic about your goals." Nothing says "work hard, strive for your best, push yourself" then someone telling you to set goals that you can actually achieve. Looking at things this way, I can be pretty certain that's where all this negativism came from.

That being said, I am trying to be optimistic about the president-elect. I admit, I did not cast a ballot for him. A lot of his ideas and plans are so radical they scare me, and I'm surprised that so many people, educated people even, seemed to over look these things. And here is a case of my pessimism for the country. I am afraid that people have such high expectations for the man, that there is no way he can meet them. America can only be disappointed this way. But, seriously, I will try to keep an open mind about him. People should stand behind their leader, no matter who it is.

10.29.2008

Ways my day could have been worse

I could have discovered that in addition to having a cracked LCD screen on my mp3 player, I could also have lost 8GB of music on it.

My clothes could have turned ENTIRELY pink owing to the the damn red piece of paper in my pocket in the washing machine, instead of just partially.

10.09.2008

Okay seriously, now what do I do?

I took this fairly extensive test, though obviously not fool proof. It was about who I am closest related to, ideologically. I took it because I don't know who to vote for, or even if I should vote. I know, I know. There are a ton of reasons to vote. Our generation is under represented, we need to be heard, etc. etc. I just don't want to vote for someone I don't support. I don't want to pick the lesser of two evils, and I don't think I should have to.

The results of the test are as follows:
Cynthia McKinney (Green Party) 67.74% match
Ralph Nader (Independent) - 67.74% match
Bob Barr (Libertarian) - 66.13% match
Chuck Baldwin (Constitution) - 58.06% match
Barack Obama (Democrat) - 38.71% match
John McCain (Republican) - 22.58% match

Isn't it convenient that the candidates I am most compatible with I have barely heard of, and have pretty much no chance of winning the election? If I voted for any of them, I would be throwing away my vote,essentially. I would rather just cast a blank ballot, a dissenting vote. It would be like voting "no" to my choices.

3.03.2008

People Like Me

Conversations I've had recently.
Un-imagined. Un-exaggerated. Un-real. Really.

Sam: I usually buy my jeans from Maurices. I like the way they fit there...
Other: *snort* That's too rich for my blood.
Sam: *debates continuing conversation, sensing the direction it is headed* They are only like $30...
Other: Like I said. Too rich for me. I just don't get people who spend that much money on the same clothes that they could buy for under half that at Kohl's.
Sam: *places imaginary gun to temple*
Other: They look just as good coming from there.
Sam: Yeah...I don't know...I have a style...
Other: I just don't know how people can be so stupid.
Sam: *pulls imaginary trigger*

********

Other: (after telling me education department horror stories) Yeah, you really have to be dedicated to teaching to make it through the ed department. For example, I don't want to teach Econ, but I want to teach so I will.
Sam: Yeah, I think I have more of a loyalty to teaching English as a second language than to teaching...
Other: Well, everyone in the ed department would perfer you didn't even try to get through then. People like you bring the entire education system down, and your type are the kinds of teachers that don't change their lesson plans for ten years and never cater to kids with disabilities, etc.
Sam: *unable to formulate words*
Other: No offense...but you probably couldn't even get through the system anyway...

********

In Spanish (translated for easier reading. You are welcome.)

(context: classmate is enraged that the voting percentage in Spain is about 70% while in the US it is about 30%)

Sam: *playing Devil's advocate* I'm just saying, some people might not vote because they don't think it matters that much.
Other: I hate people like that. I just don't get it!
Sam: This is particularly true for presidential elections if you think about it. Technically they president is elected by the electoral college...
Other: *becoming more enraged by the minute, raises voice slightly* That is such a terrible argument!
Sam: Why? There was a candadate who won the popular vote and lost the electoral college, and look who became president because of that...

*conversation continues in this manner until the class ends, one participant defending the rights of non-voters, one, decidedly not.*

In English (on the way out of the classroom)

(please note: in the following conversation, the word "talk" is tone indicative of the word "speak.")

Sam: *walking 4 steps behind* I hope you aren't mad at me. I do vote. I was just saying...
Other: *not turning to look at me, angrily* I'm not mad. It is just that people like you shouldn't talk.
Sam: *nearly falls* ...


********

An hour later

Sam: *retells above story* And then she told me that people like me shouldn't talk. Like we shouldn't speak...like ever...
Other: *not joking* Yeah...she has a point...
Sam: ...
Other: She could have put it more delecatly, but I know what she means.
Sam: *with every shread of dignity she can muster in her broken state* You know the great thing about living in a democracy is that we have the right not to vote too...
Other: *raising voice slightly* People who think that are idiots.
Sam: *crawls in hole. is never seen again*

********

I wonder if people who say things that begin with "people like me" and are essentially about me think they are only insulting "people like" me, and not actually me...

2.14.2008

About how growing old scares me

I have irrational fears I know, but I can't help it. Growing old terrifies me. I was reading Love in the Time of Cholera and I'm not sure what I was supposed to get out of the book but mostly I remember it confirming everything that scares me about age. I mean to say that I do understand that the book is about how love is persistant and resilient and people can love more than one person without being disloyal and how love is still present at all ages. I get that. I'm just saying that I took from the book every thing that is described with the coming of age. Senility, stumbling, suffering, a certain smell (I actually am sorry about that alliteration). I don't understand why I fear things that are for the most part inevitable. I have a preoccupation with death too which is more ineveitable than old age, I suppose, since there is always the possiblity of death before old age, but that is something else intirely. A lot of people grow old, and I know it brings wisdom and hindsight and all this possitive stuff, but I watch old people and what I see is time. I see it in the shaking of their hands, their confused looks, their shuffled steps, and I want to cry, because I'm terrified of when that will be me. I am sure it stems back to my ultimate fear of uncertainty, but again, I can't help it. When I see old people I try to imagine them as they were when they were younger and full of life. I hope they experienced amazing things and don't have any regrets, and I think that is why I'm living my life like I am, so I can have something to look back at. I don't know if this sounds selfish or cruel, but I want my life to be more than just raising my kids. Don't get me wrong, I really want to raise kids, it is just that I think I also want more. I don't know. When I talk, I just seem to confuse myself more.

*apologies to Hayley, who will end up reading this again in close to 3 weeks*

1.14.2008

Small world after all?

I am officially seperated by four degrees to The Clash. I was where my Clash tshirt yesterday and at supper Jaime asked me if I was just wearing the shirt, or if I actually knew about the Clash. I scoffed and said they were my favorite band, and he said he had a friend who was in a band, and knew the drummer from the Clash because he spent some time in Granada. (See songs "Spanish Bombs," "Should I Stay or Should I go" and more.) But yeah, anyway, how cool is that?

12.21.2007

Lyrics that have been running through my head this week at work in reverse order

The-e-e- whole universe was in a hot dense state and nearly 14 million year ago expansion happened. Wait!...*things of tune but forgets lyrics*...snakes began to cral...Neanderthals...the pyramids the history unraveling the mystery that all started with the big bang

Larry climbs into his lawn chair, waves her goodbye, Unties from the post, races towards the sky, Takes a sip out of his beer and says it looks amazing

Now, I've walked through hell for you...What's an adventurer to do but rest these feet...at home...with you

Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance and vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs, you know nothing about art or sex that you couldn’t read in any trendy New York underground fashion magazine (Prototypical non-conformist!)You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store Gestapo. You adhere to a set of standards and tastes that appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges (bullshit) giving a thumbs up or thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art.(Go analog baby, you’re so post-modern).You’re diving face forward into a antiquated past. It’s disgusting, it's offensive, don’t stick your nose up at me....You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends pontificating to each other forever competing for that one moment of self-aggrandizing glory in which you hog the intellectual spotlight holding dominion over the entire shallow pointless conversation(Oh, we’re not worthy)When you walk by a group of quote-unquote normal people, you chuckle to yourself patting yourself on the back as you scoff. It's the same superiority complex
shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell and makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma you spend every moment of your waking life bitching about...

A very merry Christmas...and a happy ne-e-w year, lets hope its a good one....without any fear...War is over if you want it...war is over if you want it...

Mother Superior jump the gun. Mother Superior jump the gun. Happiness is a warm gun, happiness is a warm gun...I feel my finger on your trigger...I know nobody can do me no harm...Because happiness is a warm gun, happiness is a warm gun...

Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life. Billy, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife, and as he started to go she said, Billy, keep your head low, Billy, don't be a hero, come back to me...

There must be something we can eat, maybe find another lover. Should I fly to Los Angeles, find my asshole brother...Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow...Dave's on sale again. We kissy kiss in the rear view. We're so bored, you're to blame...

If you can play on the fiddle,hows about a British jig and reel? Speaking King's English in quotations, as railhead towns feel the steel mills rust...water froze...in the generation...Clear as winter ice, this is your paradise...There ain't no need for ya, go straight to hell boys...